Understanding peer control, power plays, and boundaries
We’re all familiar with micromanagers—that boss who hovers, questions every decision, and seems to breathe down your neck. But what happens when the micromanaging behaviour isn’t coming from your manager… but from a colleague?
Enter the micro peer. They're not your leader. They don’t have formal authority over your work. Yet somehow, they act like they do.
They question your decisions. They insert themselves into your projects. They offer "helpful suggestions" that feel more like control. They cc unnecessary people in emails. They might even reword your work or “correct” your process—without being asked.
It’s frustrating. It can feel disempowering. And it’s often hard to call out because, unlike micromanagement from a boss, peer interference isn’t always recognised as a problem.
So why do some peers behave this way? And how do we deal with it—especially when we still need to work alongside them?
What Drives a Micro Peer?
Most micro peers aren’t malicious. Their behaviour is usually driven by a mix of personal insecurity, perfectionism, or a need to feel in control.
Here are some common reasons:
- Fear of being overlooked: Some colleagues feel the need to prove their value by inserting themselves into everything.
- Lack of trust in others: They may not trust others to “get it right,” even when it’s not their responsibility.
- A narrow understanding of leadership: They might think acting like a boss equals being a leader.
- Poor boundaries: In collaborative environments, the line between helpfulness and overstepping can blur—especially for people who haven’t had healthy workplace modelling.
Research on toxic workplace behaviour suggests that peer incivility can be just as damaging to team culture as poor leadership. A 2020 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that subtle forms of peer control or undermining can lead to burnout, lowered job satisfaction, and increased withdrawal from work roles (source).
Spotting the Signs of a Micro Peer
How do you know it’s happening? Here are some red flags to watch for:
- They offer feedback you didn’t ask for—frequently.
- They try to “gatekeep” your communications or interactions with others.
- They make decisions on your behalf without involving you.
- They step into your responsibilities or take credit for your work.
- They send over-documentation or follow-ups that imply you’re not across your own tasks.
Sometimes it’s overt. Sometimes it’s wrapped in "just trying to help" energy. Either way, it creates tension and undermines trust.
How to Work With a Micro Peer (Without Losing Your Cool)
If you’re dealing with a micro peer, your goal isn’t to “fix” them—it’s to protect your space, your boundaries, and your confidence. Here’s how:
1. Name It (For Yourself)
Start by acknowledging what’s happening. You’re not being sensitive or dramatic. This behaviour crosses a line.
2. Get Curious, Not Combative
Sometimes a calm one-on-one conversation can shift the dynamic. Use non-blaming language:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been quite involved in [x task]. Is there a reason? I want to make sure we’re clear on roles.”
It might be a misunderstanding—or it might reveal an insecurity you can gently address.
3. Set Boundaries
If they keep jumping into your space, be direct:
“Thanks, but I’ve got this. If I need input, I’ll reach out.”
Or:
“Appreciate the suggestion—let’s check in with [manager/project owner] before making any changes.”
Remind them (and yourself) that you’re responsible for your area. Clarity is kindness.
4. Use Your Work as Your Voice
Stay focused on delivering quality outcomes. Let your results speak. Don’t get drawn into power games.
5. Document It (Quietly)
If it becomes a pattern, start a record. Note dates, emails, and specifics. This is just in case you need support down the line.
When It’s Time to Escalate
Some dynamics can’t be solved with boundaries alone. If the behaviour escalates—especially if it becomes passive-aggressive, manipulative, or starts impacting your work—escalation may be necessary.
Here’s what to consider:
Speak to your manager
Frame it as a collaboration issue that’s affecting performance. Avoid labels like “controlling” and focus on facts:
“I’m finding it hard to move forward on [project] because [colleague] is taking over tasks that sit within my responsibilities. Can we clarify roles?”
Bring it to HR if needed
If the behaviour is aggressive, bullying, or discriminatory, it crosses into serious territory. Don’t hesitate to raise it formally.
Seek external mentoring or support
Talk to a mentor, peer support network, or external coach to help you strategise and protect your mental wellbeing.
It’s Not About You
One of the hardest parts of dealing with a micro peer is the self-doubt it can create. You start questioning your own judgement or capability. Don’t.
Their behaviour says more about their need for control than your competence.
Remember, collaboration doesn’t mean compliance. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to protect your time, energy, and autonomy.
Micro peers may not have a job title that puts them in charge—but their impact can still feel heavy. Whether it’s uninvited “feedback,” constant correction, or an attempt to control your workflow, the key is to stay calm, clear, and boundaried.
You deserve to work in an environment where mutual respect—not peer power plays—sets the tone.
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