We’ve all been there: you place a coffee mug on your desk, turn away, and feel a momentary panic—where did it go? That fleeting worry is more than absent-mindedness. It’s a reminder of something fundamental our brains learn early: object permanence—the understanding that things continue to exist even when we don’t see them.
In childhood development, this developmental milestone is foundational. But as grown women navigating careers, relationships and life’s uncertainties, revisiting this concept offers powerful insight into trust, resilience and emotional security.
What is object permanence?
Coined by Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, object permanence describes when infants begin to understand that objects removed from sight still exist. Around 8–12 months, babies often search for hidden toys—proof they comprehend this idea .
This isn’t just a cognitive trick—it underpins our sense of safety and continuity in the world. It’s saying: just because I can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s gone.
Emotional object permanence: Why it matters
Here’s where it intersects with adult life. Emotional object permanence is a concept in psychology and attachment theory that mirrors its developmental predecessor. It means believing that people—even when physically absent or emotionally distant—still care for us.
For many women, especially those transitioning between careers, relationships, or locations, emotional object permanence can waver. When a friend falls silent after a fight, or a partner travels for work, the silent stretch can trigger old insecurities: “Do they still like me?” or “Am I still safe?”
Understanding that love and trust don’t vanish simply when there’s space between us helps build emotional resilience. It’s trusting that the bond persists, even in silence.
Linking it to our day-to-day
Workplace dynamics
Have you ever worried when you’re out of sight—off email, in meetings, or away on leave—that you’d be overlooked? This is professional “object disappearance anxiety”. It can cause overworking or a perceived obligation to always be visible. Trusting your team knows your value, even when you’re not front and centre, is key.
Relationships and friendship
In close friendships, periods of distance are inevitable—life, kids, work all pull us in different directions. Object permanence reassures us: true friends remain even when lives diverge temporarily.
Self-trust and self-worth
Believing in yourself, even during dry spells or times of change, is a form of internal object permanence. It’s knowing your capabilities remain intact, even when confidence dips.
Strengthening emotional object permanence
Let’s explore the steps to reinforce this essential skill.
1. Reframe absence as space
Periods away—from partners, friends, or work—aren’t erasures. They’re pauses. Use that space to recharge or reconnect with your core values.
2. Communicate expectations
Feeling anxious when people “drop off the radar”? Let them know how often you’d appreciate a check-in. Open conversations create clearer emotional space without misinterpretation.
3. Document your impact
At work or home, when praise comes your way or you deliver results, write it down. Revisiting this log is a tangible reminder of your value and constancy.
4. Anchor in routines
Whether it’s a weekly phone call with a friend or a monthly catch-up with a mentor, regular check-ins act as anchors—ensuring that feeling of continuity remains strong.
5. Invest in internal validation
Rather than relying solely on external feedback, practise affirmations or grounding exercises. Remind yourself: “
I am reliable, capable, and worthy,” even when the world is quiet.
Evidence you’re building resilience
You’ll know emotional object permanence is growing if:
- You no longer hijack your mood based on someone’s response time.
- You feel secure despite distance or silence.
- You trust in yourself and your worth, even during unseen moments.
- You respond calmly instead of reacting emotionally when reassurance isn't immediate.
- These small shifts reflect profound internal change.
Stories that resonate
“When my partner took a month-long work trip, I panicked. But after our daily check-ins dried up, I realised I missed the pattern, not the person. It taught me that love doesn’t fade—it simply speaks differently.” – Sarah, 32, Melbourne
“I once took extended family leave. Emails piled up, I felt invisible. But at my return, I found praise notes and supportive messages waiting. My team didn’t forget me—and that was reassuring.” – Talia, 45, Adelaide
These stories show how trusting bonds—whether personal or professional—transcend proximity.
Why it matters for women
In a world that often tests our confidence—from gendered expectations at work to societal pressures at home—embracing emotional object permanence is a quiet rebellion. It’s trusting that:
Your absence doesn't erode your influence.
- Your relationships hold space for growth and distance.
- Your value is intrinsic, not just visible.
- It empowers you to stand tall, even in silence.
Final reflections
Object permanence taught us to believe in hidden toys. Emotional object permanence teaches us to believe in ourselves and our relationships, even when unseen or unheard.
Whether it’s saying “I trust the bond,” taking time off without guilt, or trusting your worth in uncertain moments—you’re weaving resilience, self-trust and inner strength into your life.
By strengthening this quiet foundation, we build more secure futures—individually, in our communities, and across generations of women.
Further Reading & Sources
How have you experienced emotional object permanence—in friendships, work or family life? Share in the comments below—we’d love to hear your reflections and build this conversation together.